It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
