so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
