I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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