Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
