maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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