i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
