I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize