cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
