i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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