I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
