New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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