Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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