i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
