I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can I color on your dick again?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
