Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
