Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
