You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
