haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
