Please, let me fuck your mom
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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