You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
