Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
