Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
