I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
