so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
