Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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