I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
