??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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