i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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