Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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