I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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