if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
