my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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