This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish i was in the wii world.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
