He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
