i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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