I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize