so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
