Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
