So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
