best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
