so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
