i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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