its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
