My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
