DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
