I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
