Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
