kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
