If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
