my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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