I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
