I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How external is "for external use only"?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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