But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You left your underwear on the fireplace
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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