Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
