I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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