i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
