you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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