My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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