fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
