Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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