Your dad touched me again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
