It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
