Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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