I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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