The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
