I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize